Thursday, February 15, 2018

I'm freaking getting married (our story)

I recently have been posting like 5 hundred pictures monthly of Scott and I on my instagram. I realized the other day that I have yet to really tell our story to people. I know a lot of people are wondering where this kid came from and how we got engaged in less than three months (yeah, for real.) So here it goes:

August 25th 2015 My first day of classes at University of Northwestern. In my very first class of the day (Intro to Layout) there was a very cute boy in my class. Going around the classroom one by one, we all told some facts about ourselves, our major, etc. Boring first day stuff. When Scott started his introduction I remember leaning over to my roommate and friend Claire and saying "he's really cute." After class, Scott packed up faster than I could gather myself to say anything, so I decided to chase him down the hallway. & when I say chase him, I seriously mean I ran out of the classroom to talk to him, and I had nothing to say but "hey! are you friends with Sean?" (a question I already had the answer to. Scott was roommates and friend with one of my lifelong friends that also attended UNW) I think this part of our story is the funniest, because although I definitely thought Scott was cute and had a crush, I wasn't this girl to chase after boys or feel awkward about talking to people. I legitimately don't know why I followed him out of class or asked him the dumbest question, but I did. That night, we went out with mutual friends and took pictures on campus. Scott posted a picture of my shoe, and once again, I got a little too excited. I told my friend "Oh my gosh! He posted a picture of my shoe, I feel like boys don't do that. What if he likes me?" andddd the next day, a photo of me. Seriously took these as signs that surely the ring by spring was coming... (spoiler alert, it wasn't that spring, lol)

Everything went on as normal and Scott and I became super good friends. We had a class together every semester, sometimes more than one, and we hung out in class, and sometimes outside of class. I don't remember exactly when the out of class hanging began, but I have a record of us painting together in February for one of our classes. I was hardcore crushing on him, BUT we were both just not there.

March 20th 2016 Somehow I mustered up the courage to ask if he wanted to go to a local event with me. I fought with myself so much on asking him. I thought he would think I was super weird and that it was a little too "date-y" but he said yes: & I blogged about it (kinda). At this point, I definitely was acknowledging my crush on him. To other people, and to myself. I was constantly impressed by Scott's kindness and care towards me, even though we were just friends. I told myself over and over again that he wouldn't be interested in me.

A lot of this early on friendship stuff is a blur to me. A lot of our friendship was school based. We sat next to each other in classes, worked on projects together, and went to coffee shops for homework. I was crushing hard but I was aware he didn't like me. Summer of 2016, Scott moved to Chicago, and I went back to Duluth... and I think we shared answers with each other in our online math class. ;) I texted him on his birthday with multiple hearts, a risky move, but I was fully committed to this friendship.



Fall of 2016 At this point, we texted and talked all the time. We did a lot more outside of school, we had multiple mutual friends, we shared many meals, many hours at coffee shops, and I was completely infatuated. I started to freak out and tried to reverse our friendship. He knew way too much about me. Scott went on super casual dates a few times and I was losing my mind and thinking he was stupid for not realizing I was super interested in him. Even all our classmates new, and when I say all, I seriously mean like our classmates all knew how obsessed I was with him. Kind of embarrassing on my end.

February 2017 DTR happened (define the relationship) thanks to me. I was really really over feeling like I was invisible to him. I actually had a lot of built up anger about the friendship, which came out when we talked about what we were. Scott still didn't like me at this point, but we had a really dramatic talk, which ended in me telling him we couldn't be friends, which lasted for like 3 whole days. I was so upset with myself because of how pathetic I was being, and being way too hard on myself for having a (more than a) crush that wasn't mutual. 



The next few months we got even closer than we were before. A lot of things happened. I tried to talk to other boys, get my friends to talk me out of liking him, told myself we'd never be good together, etc. all while similously falling even more in love with Scott. I talked to his roommates and friends about it, because I was legitimately so confused as to why he would talk to me for countless hours, spend so much time with me, let me in to his life on a deeper level, but still not like me back. Looking back, this would have been an awful time to start dating. Things were really really messy, but Scott was very involved. There were a few months where I pushed every single person away. I was living with a family, away from the dorms, and there was a weekend I stayed in bed for like 20+ hours. He was the only person I would respond to and talk to, because he genuinely cared for me. It actually was more frustrating to me, because when things were awful, he was the only person I wanted to talk to. I actually had a friend call me out on being in love with him and I was beating myself up so much for falling in love with a boy who had no interest in dating me. In April, I went on a 13+ hour roadtrip by myself, and one of my goals was to not talk to him the entire week. HAHA - hilarious. I caught up with one of my friends in Illinois and she told me to forget him. Cue the frustration even more on my part, I couldn't. I couldn't forget him. 

(Early) Summer of 2017 we shot countless weddings together, got even closer, and hung out probably close to daily. He started coming home with me, coming to babysit with me, subtly meeting family & friends. At this point, I literally was just embracing the friendship and praying that he would catch on at some point and realize he liked me. 

(Late) Summer of 2017 I forgot what happened or what provoked this, but oh man... mean Kiley came out. I had no other option. It was either block him completely out of my life or date him. I even gave him the option! In which he chose neither. I blocked him, tried to move on, and teach him a lesson, maybe making him chase me down for once. WHILE ALSO moving in next door. Yup. I seriously moved into the apartment building across the street. Although I would have never admit that it was because of him, it was. Eeeekk. Still slightly embarrassing.

When Scott and I talk about this past summer and our friendship, we both agree that it was actually really exhausting. We both were trying to keep solid friendship boundaries, and he was trying not to give me mixed messages. We hung out all the time still but I was more frustrated with our friendship than I was enjoying it. I was so so scared that he was going to start dating someone else and I would lose him. 



October 5th 2017 I was invited to a VIP event with a business I had been working with... and I felt lame bringing one of my girlfriends, so I asked Scott to come with me (for the free food and cool venue of course.) Explaining this night is so weird to me. I don't know why or what happened but something felt so so so different. We were both dressed up, in this amazing space, among cool and hip people, and we were there together. After the event, he drove me to his favorite spot in the city and we walked and talked around a lake for a long time. We got back in the car, drove around Minneapolis, talking, laughing, talking about dreams, for THREE hours. Three hours, because we didn't want to go back to our apartments and be done hanging out. I got back to my apartment at 1am, telling Claire all about the night I had and how strange it felt because it was so much like a date. At this point, most of my friends were fed up with Scott and I's strange relationship, and how he couldn't commit to me (lol, sorry Scott, it's the truth) and Claire texted him...


That entire weekend, we hung out. Friday night with another friend, Saturday we went to an apple orchard, church togther, a bonfire, and then watched a movie together till 3am.

October 8th 2017 3AM he texts me "hey, I know tomorrow is busy, but can we talk in the morning?"  Set me off until a full panic. The only person awake that I could call was my friend Shelby who was in an entirely different time zone (lol, like in Australia) I was FREAKING OUT. Either he had realized that we should date, orrrr he was going to straight up end the friendship because he was tired of hearing me freak out about how it was going to end anyway. I don't think I slept at all, lol

I can imagine you know what happened at this point, we started dating. Whew. Such relief - seriously. 
So much just made sense. It finally felt SO right. I know I'm missing so much of the story here, but seriously my life has changed since Scott has been involved. Being friends with him was the best thing, dating him was the most life changing 3 months and becoming his wife is the most excited I've been looking towards something in the future. We completely compliment each other. He makes the world feel safe. He makes me feel calm, and protected, and at home. I am so happy about the timing of this relationship. It was such a long and painful process but the time we started dating was perfect. I am in awe of him wanting to marry me, and I feel so incredibly blessed by God's timing and provision over our friendship. We were being prepared in so many ways over the years for this that we didn't even understand at the time.

Tidbit that I wasn't going to add but am going to: girls, if you're waiting for love, KEEP WAITING. Scott was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first love. I feel completely shocked and in awe that this was what I waited 20 years for. He's everything I could have wished for and more, and now I get to spend the rest of my life with him. Talk about a happy ending.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

MN > FL Sept '16

Sometimes you just need a week away, in the middle of the school year/week. Yup, that's exactly what we did. Took off on a Tuesday morning, for a week in our favorite place, Disneyworld. If you know my dad, you know that really, secretly, it's his favorite place. Kasandra's first time ended up being such a blast. We had perfect weather, and dodged out right before Hurricane Matthew hit. Thankful for a family full of crazies. Here's some snaps -