how about no?

Heyy-lo to the few people who read my blog.

Today, I have a rant for you. Yesterday, I woke up about 20 minutes before class due to my phone alarm being on silent. This really has no significance to this story but it resulted in me throwing a hat on and not doing my makeup cuz sometimes I just feel lazy and don't feel the need to cover my face in products that make people "beautiful" in todays society.

All day I'm just living my life and then I get to my last class of the day which happens to end at 5:50, which kind of just sucks to be perfectly honest, especially on Fridays. HA. Up till yesterday I thought my teacher was a little crazy but also really nice and genuine. However, I walked into class, she looked at me and said "are you feeling okay today, Kiley?" I laughed because I realized she thought I was sick because of how plain I looked compared to normal "yeah, I feel fine, just woke up late today." She didn't say much...

During her lecture on one of our last speeches coming up, she told us that we really needed to look nice for our speeches. Polished shoes for the guys, a "tie wouldn't hurt" and "girls, put some makeup on if you need it. Paint the shed where it needs painting." UM WHAT.

Literally the amount of people that dropped their jaws in that class was probably... everyone. I have never felt so targeted by this comment in my life. Literally, did you just call me ugly woman?! Did you just tell a class full of young, insecure woman, that we need makeup to look beautiful???

Yes, yes you did. I don't know what you meant by that, or what you meant to say if that wasn't it, but you owe us an apology. On the first day of class, you made a comment saying how you feel insecure teaching sometimes because you feel as though people think you're fat. When you said that, I knew you were an insecure woman. I knew this was going to be a weird class. When you said you didn't have any kids, I understood that you didn't understand the way children/teens/young adults were. When you said we needed makeup to look beautiful, I couldn't even comprehend that someone who is 45+ years old would feel so lead to say this to a group of young students who are literally struggling with themselves every. single. day. Before yesterday, I knew people were like this, but I never ever expected to hear it from one of my teachers. How about wearing your biggest smile, drinking some coffee before class to get you through a 7 minute speech that you'll lose 10 points on if you land on 6:55, how about that?! 

I don't know what happened to you to allow yourself to think that we need makeup to believe we're beautiful, but I'm incredibly disappointed. I'm sorry that somewhere in your life, you felt like you weren't beautiful enough to walk around the way you were made. I'm really sorry, but next time think about what you're saying to your classroom. WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS? Rant over.

PS. It took everything in me to not write my next persuasive speech on why girls don't need makeup to be beautiful.

#kileymarissagoestocollege

Sooo folks, here I am. At college. It's been an adventure. A weird one. Mostly fun, exciting, and refreshing but also very sad, lonely and scary. I, for the most part, have been enjoying myself, but it's also been really hard. Moving into a new place where you only know a handful of people, you have to really learn how to get to know people. Friendship takes time, which was no surprise. After all, I just did this 3 years ago, but it's the worst feeling in the world being surrounded by so many people and still feeling alone. As the weeks go on, I feel more comfortable joining tables of familiar faces (people whose names I still don't know) and asking random girls to just come join you for lunch. I'm so excited to feel like I have a community here.... I know the days are coming. ;)

I know this is where God wants me. Through the struggles and the unknowns, I want to be here. I want to create community like I've never known before, I want to learn, I want to feel lonely, because I want to be vulnerable and make new friends. I want to grow in my relationship with Christ.

So what have I been up to? Besides classes, strategically spending my freshman food plan, piles of homework, and running down the hallways late at night, I've been spending time in the city. At new coffee shops, farmers markets, antique shops I've never seen before, hammock-ing in the middle of the campus, and shooting weddings non stop. (I've literally had a wedding every weekend since I got here.) Also! Nannying these sweet baby faces you'll see below. Seriously, love them. I've always wanted to be a nanny.

I'm so thankful for this new chapter of my life, and the learning process that comes with it. Thanks to all the friends and family members that have texted, visited, sent letters, called, you name it. I'm so thankful for such a support system, near and far. You guys rock my world. If you wanna write, send me a message and I'll send you my address! (I promise to write back!)

Thanks for reading friends, just wanted to give a little update. Feel free to follow along on instagram (lol, self promotion... but seriously, I post the most there. @kiley_marissa)

Now, for the fun part -

I made it through my first week of school!

Well folks... I did it. I made it through my first four days of college. Without tears, without sweat, without blood. Ok, just kidding, I didn't think it'd be that bad, but I did think I was going to break down a few times. Hah. For those of you who know me well, you know I do not want to grow up. I'd do everything in my power to be under the age of 16 forever. I'd still sell lemonade on the corner of the street, I'd still bike to the gas station for candy, and I'd still have my mom drive me everywhere. (Sill working on that license...) But! As everyone also knows, we can't all stay young forever. 

This fall, and hopefully for the next two years, I'll be attending Lake Superior College here in Duluth. I'm taking both online, and on campus classes. Although people aren't too friendly or outgoing so far, I'm really enjoying my classes. I even got a 100% on my first paper. ;) But really, I'm super glad to report that it's been a pretty good first couple days. I think the Lord has really given me the strength to do it all. Whew.

Here's to the next two years of my life!

(I'd also like to note this back to school picture is horrid and I love my dog. Ok.)