unending grace + diabetes go together?

I'll probably type up this entire blog post and not have the faith or strength to press "publish." The reason I've been absent from this blog so long is my lack of confidence in what I'm sharing with my readers and the pure laziness of writing up posts that mean anything more than a picture or two being shared from my project 365. 

A few months ago when I went to get my drivers permit at the DMV I was informed that you have to have a doctor sign off to be able to drive with type 1 diabetes - which right off the bat I knew would be a problem. My diabetes isn't (wasn't) in the greatest condition at all. In fact, I'd say it was fine, but I wasn't trying at all to take care of it. Not to sound dramatic, but my diabetes was quite literally failing on me. With an A1C of 11.7, when it's supposed to be in the 7.5 range, I wasn't doing too hot. 

Anywho I had a month to get this form signed and my A1C below 10 before my permit would be provoked by the state of MN for another few months, so I started working hard. At first, it was terribly hard. I literally felt like I didn't even know how to care for my diabetes at this point in my life. I disconnected my pump because it wasn't working like it should have been and I thought a change in pattern could do me some good.

First A1C test was about 6 weeks ago, which I failed. 11.7 was nothing near my goal and I was SHOCKED at this number. I knew my diabetes was bad, but not this bad. Oh my goodness it was SO discouraging. A lot of times I feel so alone in this because there really are only few people that understand how hard it is to manage diabetes, especially as a teenager. Clearly this number was a screaming "no" to the world of driving, BUT by the grace of God and the nice man at the DMV, my mom was able to convince a month of slack.

This past Friday before we left for Colorado, I got another blood draw for another A1C test and tested at 10.2. This was extremely encouraging because the A1C is an average of 3 months - and I barely had a month and a half to improve, that's a pretty big improvement for one month. This wasn't below 10 again, BUT my doctor and nurse rock my world and agreed to give me 6 months of driving as long as I could get my A1C down below 10 after that - which gives me just enough time to get my license and more. 

This is a long blog post about boring details but the main point here is that sometimes I just sit and think about how much I do not deserve and how much I still get. God knows exactly what I need and what my family needs, and even if my diabetes wasn't 100% in this time of trying, God knows that I've done my absolute best, and I couldn't be more thankful for his grace and love on me.

I feel so much better, and healthier, and happier with my diabetes. I don't constantly feel like I'm failing. I feel like it's not owning me anymore, it's fabulous. Anyway, thanks for reading. Xoxoxo my loves. :)